The Compulsion to Write

I've been a writer for most of my life, or at least a scribbler. When I was much younger I thought I wanted to be not only a writer, but an author. I'm not entirely sure what the distinction between the two should be, but I think it has something to do with publication. A published writer is an author. I've been an author, in a small way. I've published some essays and reviews and a few poems. But at some point I lost the desire to publish what I write. I sort of understand publication. There's a kind of validation that comes with publication. And there is the possibility that someone will read what you've written, that your work will have some extended impact or reach. Perhaps it will even have a life of its own. I once saw a reference to something I'd written, published, that had such a moment, a brief one, but I wasn't sure what that meant to me.

I suspect that many writers write because they have to; it's a compulsion. Of course, there is always some assumption that what one writes will be read, if only by oneself. Somewhere I seem to recall Roland Barthes suggested writers write for the pleasure of reading themselves. Perhaps that pleasure is enhanced when it is also validated by publication. At these moments I usually think of Montaigne, who turned to the writing of essays in his retirement, and saw his efforts through several editions before his death. He said he was writing for those who knew him, his family and friends. He also suggested he was carrying on a conversation with his deceased friend Étienne de La Boétie. And yet publication was important to him. I'm not sure why.

What is remarkable about the Internet and the World Wide Web is the way they allow one to accomplish a kind of writing that includes a version of publication, making the writing public and available, but not requiring all the complications of going through the process of commercial publication. At this time of my life as a writer I find I'm perfectly satisfied by this medium. Here it is. Anyone interested may read it if they wish. But primarily I accept that I'm writing for myself, and for the pleasure of reading what I have written. In some ways I suppose I do imagine someone stumbling on what I've written, perhaps even someone I know. But I confess that I don't write for those readers. I write for myself, because of that compulsion that all writers have.